Golden Globes Recap

The Golden Globes is probably my favorite part of awards season. They’re absolutely absurd, everyone is happily drunk, and they never really predict anything of significance. In fact, I’m wondering now in retrospect if everyone who won tonight is regretting it because they realize that according to science winning cuts their Oscar chances by like half. Yes according to science.

ANYWAY. It still seems like the most fun night in Hollywood with television and movies and even music all mixing and mingling together in a haze of red carpet and lots of champagne. So without further ado, here’s my recap of tonight’s Golden Globes, in list form because what else is new.

HOSTING: THE GOOD

  • Amy and Tina
  • It was hosted by Amy and Tina
  • The opening monologue by Amy and Tina
  • Amy and Tina dropping all the truth bombs re: women in Hollywood, Amal Clooney, and Bill Cosby
  • Amy and Tina doing everything and being perfect and adopting me wait what
  • All jokes aside, I definitely laughed the hardest during their opening monologue – relevant, witty, and brilliant
  • Though I still maintain their 2013 Golden Globes monologue was the best one of all time
  • Also I think their Bill Cosby riff was ballsy and bold and I loved it haters to the left

HOSTING: THE BAD

  • The Margaret Cho / North Korea running joke was racist, lame, and went on way longer than it should have
  • Pretty sure this was the least amount of screen time Amy and Tina had out of all the Globes they’ve hosted
  • Seriously what was up with that
  • No bueno

PRESENTERS: THE GOOD

  • Petition for Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader and/or Will Ferrell to host next year
  • All the bueno

PRESENTERS: THE BAD

  • Jeremy Renner – didn’t your Kindergarden teacher ever tell you about inside and outside thoughts?

AWARDS: THE GOOD

  • Patricia Arquette winning Best Supporting Actress for Boyhood – so well-deserved for a film that could have just as easily been called Motherhood
  • Gina Rodriguez and Alejandro González Iñárritu winning for Best Actress in a TV Series (Comedy) and Best Screenplay, respectively – basically the pachanga is coming to Hollywood as the Latinos continue to win all the things
  • Netflix and Amazon both killing the game – watch out world the future is upon us

AWARDS: THE BAD

  • I really love Amy Adams but Big Eyes wasn’t a great movie and any of the other actresses deserved it much more – my vote would have been with Emily Blunt personally

THE SURPRISES

  • The Grand Budapest Hotel winning over Birdman for Best Picture Comedy or Musical – YES BUENO
  • How to Train Your Dragon 2 over The Lego Movie?!?!?!?! – NO BUENO
  • (Okay okay I haven’t seen either of them but people were apparently really upset so I’ll take your word for it)
  • The Affair for everything – Can’t say either way cause I had literally never heard of it until tonight oops

OTHER THOUGHTS

  • Jane the Virgin is officially on my list of shows to watch ASAP
  • Terribly upset that Selma only won one award for Best Song but here’s hoping that just means a killing at the Oscars
  • I miss Tina and Amy 😦
  • This year’s speeches went above and beyond previous years
  • More focus on world affairs than self-congratulations
  • Gives me hope
  • Matthew McConaughey and his beard are remaking Castaway, probably
  • Man-buns are out, man-braids are in thank you Jared Leto
  • George Clooney is everything
  • Everything
  • Every
  • Thing

What a time. I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting like 32 things but I’ve had quite a bit of wine and champagne and chocolate so feel free to scroll through my live-tweet and retweet all the things. OSCAR NOMS ON THURSDAY! See you all bright and early. Get ready.

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